My mother had dental work done last week. One of the stitches was bothering her so she decided to cut it out. Don't ask how, since she can hardly see. Needless to say she started bleeding, and, being on blood thinners, it wouldn't stop. Susan spent the night in the emergency room with her, which prompted some email discussions among us siblings. We have all agreed to have a DNR for Mom. She wouldn't want to be kept alive artificially, I'm sure. If anyone is ready for Heaven, it's her. Not to say I don't hope she lasts a bit longer!
A dental surgeon finally came in and fixed the problem. Sue says Mom is really deteriorating. She is out of breath after just a few steps and will soon be better with a wheelchair.
Still, when we talk on the phone, she sounds great. Always upbeat and joking about things like the bruise she got from the dental surgery. I hope I have such a great attitude in my last days.
I had thought of canceling surgery just so I could see her, but Sue says it isn't that urgent. I should be fine in October.
God, I wish this was behind me. I so DO NOT want to do this surgery. I don't want all the crap that goes with it, most especially the fricking stress test. But I have no choice. The pain is terrible when it happens, which is daily, off an on. And it only exacerbates my f*cking back pain. I am really down about this.
I wish I could take things in stride and not worry so much. My mother is the same way and so was my grandfather. I guess this sh*t is hereditary. I know that everything will be okay on a logical level but my emotions fight that and all I want to do is cry or sleep. It is a constant struggle to fight this stress. How the hell I got through Jamie's 42 days in the hospital back in the day is beyond me. Must have been easier to be in emotional control when I was younger.
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